forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
