Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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