I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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