One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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