Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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