I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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