I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
