Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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