We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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