What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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