Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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