even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
