I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize