I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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