I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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