the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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