i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
