Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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