shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
