i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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