I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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