think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
