i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
