Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
