My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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