Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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