o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
