he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You are the jesus of drinking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
