ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
