happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
