I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
