She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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