ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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