pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
