I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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