I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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