Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
a search helicopter?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
