it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
