I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
