I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
