singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
