there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize