I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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