soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
