Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
