i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
