just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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