Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
