just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
