What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
