Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize