i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
