Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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