she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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