just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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