I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
