i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
