Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BRING THE BAGELS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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