hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
