I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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