And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
