im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
