Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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