Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
