i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
