I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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