so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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