in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
