that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I want is dick and wine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
