My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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