you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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