I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
