So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
