Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
