I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
